


To Be in a Relationship (with a Mage)

by ShadowYinYang



Series: To Be... [3]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Dating, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Hope, M/M, Mage Rights, Minor Justice (Dragon Age), Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 19:13:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7726456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowYinYang/pseuds/ShadowYinYang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris can finally say he's confident in his relationship with Anders. He reminisces on the hurdles he had to get over to get here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Be in a Relationship (with a Mage)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to TwiExMachina for betaing everything again. Just missed Fenders Appreciation Week but it's right after it so...I'm still part of the flood of new works for it right? 
> 
> I don't know how this idea came to be. Well I do, but it didn't end the way I thought it would. >.>;
> 
> As I try to do with anything in this series, I try not to make reading any of the other parts a requirement. This is probably the most stand-alone one I wrote actually. 
> 
> Misc. Info/Warnings:  
> -Background established Isabela/Merrill  
> -Using Tranquility as an insult

“Ready?” 

Fenris sighed, the single word question might as well be the equivalent of a marriage proposal at this point. “Let’s just get it over with,” he replied instead. Anders beamed, which was the quickest reminder to one of the reasons Fenris agreed to do this in the first place. The pair entered the Hanged Man, swiftly heading up the stairs and into Varric’s room. 

“LATE!” Hawke pointed with accusation from the table that also occupied the rest of their companions, “As the last to arrive, one of you two should fetch our drinks from downstairs.” 

“Fenris?” Anders wasn’t suggesting that Fenris should be the one to get it, but was hoping the warrior understood that it was either get the drinks or be in the room for the announcement. Fenris merely sighed,

“I shall retrieve it. First, I…we…” Fenris wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not, but he could’ve sworn everyone at the table just leaned towards their direction just a little bit. 

Anders grabbed Fenris’s arm gently. 

“We feel it’s time to announce that your favorite healer and grumpy elf are…more or less are in a continuous courtship with each other!” Without even skipping a beat, Fenris added, “I give you all only 3 days to tease about this! No more than that!”

The reaction was…surprisingly to say the least. Merrill started clapping excitedly, and congratulating them. Hawke joined her not long into it. Sebastian’s hand met his face, while Isabela and Varric exchanged way too big of smirks to like. Aveline let out a sigh of relief and Donnic looked away, as if to hide what he didn’t want his face to reveal. Point being: no one seemed actually _surprised_. 

“Oh thank the Maker, we can finally stop pretending we don’t know now right?” Aveline asked, and the room got a bit too eerily quiet. 

After a moment to comprehend the fact that no one seemed to deny knowing prior to this moment, glares as sharp as daggers from both Fenris and Anders immediately went straight to Hawke.

She jumped slightly in surprise.  “Whoa! _I_ didn’t say anything to anyone! I swear!” she immediately defended. 

The glares were redirected to Isabela. 

“Oh of course, blame me next. You boys are not exactly subtle about it you know.” 

“Oh yes, Anders is much happier now! Fenris is also less grumpy than usual,” Merrill contributed and smiling in proudness of her contribution. 

“I’ve seen Anders go to and from your mansion in the early hours when I pray,” Sebastian stated, though the slightly disappointment remaining quite evident in his tone. 

“And that Warden friend of yours-”

“Nathaniel!” Hawke piped up, “He was kinda cute…”

“Yeah, him, happened to mention off-handedly that Blondie here used to wear an earring just like that,” Varric pointed at Fenris, who only looked away in embarrassment. 

“That, and let’s not all suddenly forget that Blondie isn’t a good liar if his card playing skills are anything to go by.” 

“Hey! I can’t be THAT obvious!” 

The soft mumbling from everyone said otherwise. 

Fenris threw a hand up in the air.  “Regardless, it is done. I shall retrieve the drinks.” With that he turned headed back down the stairs, leaving Anders with the group. Anders, more than anything, thought he’d be okay with this. Now he was starting to take back his words. For some reason it wasn’t exactly comforting if people KNEW, especially if it was Fenris that wasn’t comfortable with the idea in the first place. Maybe he should check on him…

“So…how did it happen?” Isabela asked when Anders sat, though continuously stared at the door. 

“Huh? Oh, you know…how relationships…generally happen?”

“Oh! So did one of you give the other flowers? How absolutely romantic! I was so nervous when I did. Oh yes, I couldn’t decide what to give to dear Bela. I’m so indecisive! So I went talking to my neighbor, she gives great advice. I also went to Hawke afterwards for another opinion and-oh, I am sorry, was I rambling?”

 _“No, please, keep talking,”_ Anders internally begged, unsure how much should be revealed without Fenris being present. 

Luckily, Fenris did return, gracefully placing down trays of all the filled up cups.

He sat beside Anders as everyone grabbed up their drinks. 

“They want to know how this happened,” Anders whispered and Fenris just rolled his eyes.

“We came here to play cards, that is what I plan to do.” 

And play cards they did, but it didn’t stop the occasional curious question to come up.

“So how long?”

“Not long after the fight with the Arishok.”

“Who initiated it?”

The pair mumbled their responses. 

“So how kinky is the sex?”

“Kinky enough.”

“Oh! Who gave the flowers?”

“Fenris. He gave me elfroot if that counts.”

Fenris won more than he thought that night. He wondered if the curiosity only distracted everyone, while he in turn was more focused than usual out of pure spite towards the others. When the night ended, most of them were already too drunk to play.

Fenris stood. “We should go home, Mage. You wished to wake early tomorrow did you not?” 

“Aw come ooonnnn! Stay longer! CAN YOU MAKE OUT FOR US?!” Hawke exclaimed, though nearly slipped out of her chair in her unbalanced state. 

Anders stood as well. “Maybe another time, Hawke,” Anders replied only to receive a pout from Hawke before her head thunked on the table. He approached Fenris with an outstretched out hand. Fenris took it, giving a light squeeze when they made their way out after a ‘goodnight’ to the others. 

* * *

 

“You alright, Love?” Anders asked after exiting the Hanged Man and into the streets of Low Town. The hand grip only got tighter. This would be their first time walking home like this. 

“I am fine.” He was, more than he thought he would be at least. In the end, no one teased him or made unnecessary jabs or pointed out the obvious that he was in a serious relationship with a mage. Merrill in particular seemed to enjoy pointing out how much ‘happier’ he is. Less of a grump supposedly. Maybe there is some truth? 

They entered the mansion and fell into their routines, putting down their weapons and armor. Anders made way towards the study room. 

“Do you have to tonight?” Fenris asked, causing Anders to halt in his steps. 

“Well…I mean…” Anders stared off into the distance and didn’t continue. Fenris assumed the man would be conversing with Justice at this time. “Just a little bit?” Anders eventually replied with a sheepish grin. 

“I’ll come get you in an hour.” 

Anders nodded, offering a soft smile and before entering the study room and closed the door behind him. Fenris sighed to himself, unsure how to keep himself occupied for the time being. Anders wanted to wake up early and dammit, he will make sure Anders gets at least some reasonable rest before then. 

Maker it was _difficult_. That was the word to describe their relationship if anything. For one, Justice. Anders always got peeved whenever Fenris referred to Justice as a demon. And Anders being peeved at him wasn’t fun. Fenris still refused to straight up call him a spirit in Anders’s presence, but settled on just saying his name, which Anders accepted was fair. 

Then came the long nights at the clinic. Anders would be working on his manifesto and—if he’s lucky—he’d get a nap in before the next day rolled around. All because of Justice. Okay…maybe not ALL because of Justice. The… _spirit_ …did help in a way. Anders should not have been realistically even be alive with the lack of rest and food he gets on top of getting beaten around by slavers or dragons constantly yet still being able to walk afterwards. That in itself had to say something. 

Fenris was, if anything, as stubborn as Justice could be. Fighting with Anders wasn’t exactly anything new, but lines could get crossed. Living so much of his life as a slave didn’t leave him much room with relationships. Fenris knew Anders had more experience in the whole relationships department. Just knowing that could sometimes put him on edge. Or at least, it piles on top of many other things and before you knew it, things just got out of hand. 

Such as that night they screamed at each other so loudly that Fenris wouldn’t be surprised if they woke all of Dark Town. Fenris wasn’t proud of that night, neither was Anders. It was early in their relationship, probably barely one due to their lack of communication regarding whatever their relationship even was. It was again with the manifesto, again with the cause, the mages, the Templars, and oh Maker! It was like a checklist! It started from the morning when they were out with Hawke and it went all the way to evening, hitting every single thing that irked Fenris. Then there was Anders; his own patience wore thin after a while of Fenris’s complaining. If there was one thing Fenris could’ve admitted, even back then, was that Anders was as sharp with his words as much as the elf was. So he bit back, hard, by giving Fenris a jab where it hurt the most: his slavery. Suddenly, it wasn’t about anything else except being _right_. So Fenris bit back harder: blood magic, _Justice_ , and that maybe…just maybe… “Maybe you really should just be made Tranquil!”

Everything was ready to fall apart right then and there. Both of them stunned into silence at such a declaration. Fenris wanted to take it back the moment he watched Anders’s face crumble from anger to pure mortification. Except Fenris didn’t even get a chance to properly react when the distress on Anders was suddenly replaced with cracks of blue light that spread all over Anders. Justice emerged far too quickly, his voice booming for all of Dark Town to hear. “ **Your treatment of Anders is unjust! You shall not hurt him any more with your words!”**

And just like that, the guilt and shame Fenris felt for what he said was suddenly replaced with absolute fear. Questions surged through his head: Did Anders lose control? Was Justice going to attack? Fenris didn’t have any of those answers, he just knew he felt threatened. Fenris didn’t get a chance to grasp what Justice was yelling at him about beyond that initial shout. He just knew that he was face to face with a demon-spirit-whatever and Anders may or may not have lost control. He only lit his brands, and that was enough for him to realize what he was actually thinking about doing. Despite staring into eyes practically made of light that did nothing but make Fenris’s blood run cold, he still froze at the very thought of...killing. The warrior didn’t know what scared him more at that moment: what he was about to do to Anders, or Justice. 

Suddenly, Anders reemerged. He stumbled slightly but immediately lowered himself to his knees. Anders looked up, tears streaming down his face, and Fenris was suddenly reminded of what just happened prior to Justice appearing. They stared briefly, both hurt and ashamed of what happened. Fenris too fell to the ground, if only not to be above another being. “I’m sorry…” Anders was the first apologize…apologize for going _there_. Fenris didn’t say anything at first, too overwhelmed by all the emotion and everything that happened in the past few minutes. It was then that Fenris realized he also had tears running down his face. Anders choked back a sob, and swiftly tried to use his sleeve to wipe away the tears. Fenris hesitantly reached out, as if his body was moving on his own. That thought alone should scare him; but it felt so instinctual to stop this, to fix this. He got ahold of Anders’s shoulders and brought them closer together. “I’m…sorry. I did not meant it…” They were both angry sobbing messes that night.

Justice never came out in anger, or at all really, since that fight. Fenris didn’t complain; Justice still shook him. But now he had another problem he didn’t originally consider when he entered a relationship with Anders: Justice didn’t like him. At least, Justice didn’t _approve_ of him. He made that apparent after that intial appearance just to yell at Fenris about his unjust treatment of Anders, but he also continuously nagged and disapproved of everything Anders did when it came to Fenris. Maker, it took them over two months to convince Justice it was an actual good idea to move Anders into the mansion. Fenris began to see this whole “I don’t like Justice” and “I disapprove of the elf” situation was taking a toll on Anders. The man had to listen to constant disapproval and negativity on both ends so it should not have been a surprise it would eventually stress him. It took Anders wondering if their relationship could even really work for Fenris to eventually force himself to stop avoiding Justice. That, and he couldn’t go on with Justice not liking him at this point. Justice and Anders was a packaged deal, he realized that now. Justice shouldn’t be some bomb-like topic just ready to explode into a fight every week. 

So Fenris did the one thing he could do if he truly wanted to salvage their relationship: talk to Justice. If anything, Fenris was able to confess to Anders that he feared Justice more than anything else. Despite that, Fenris wasn’t sure the reassurance from Anders that Justice wouldn’t hurt him really helped at all. He tried to keep in mind that this was, supposedly, the _spirit of Justice_. Which meant Fenris had to play by his rules. 

When Fenris found himself standing in the middle of his mansion with Anders giving him a reassuring smile, he let out a tired sigh and told Anders he was ready. He tried to memorize that smile. Anders seemed so touched when Fenris initially suggested he should have a talk with Justice. The elf repeated to himself that this was for Anders while Justice slowly made his appearance. **“What does the elf wish to speak of?”**

Okay, so far so good. Justice doesn’t seem very threatening…yet. Fenris took in a breath to try and calm himself. If you’re going to debate with a spirit, well, it won’t do if you’re running on fear. “I…wish to talk about you letting Anders come home every night.” 

Justice frowned. Fenris swallowed. 

 **“There are mages to save. Anders cannot afford to waste time with a distraction such as yourself.”**  Fenris found himself legitimately offended when being called a 'distraction' to his face. It took all he could muster not to make that apparent to Justice. 

“Anders could be more productive if he got proper rest and food, as well as personal time for himself,” Fenris responded calmly, trying to keep himself from going on a sarcastic tangent instead. 

 **“That is a waste. Anders must continue being diligent! The mages need him!”** Justice took a step closer. It took every fiber in Fenris’s being not to take a step back in response.

“He is still human. There is such thing as mental health. I’m sure Anders must’ve discussed a little bit about that with you…” Justice folded his arms, but didn’t respond. Though he did look like he really wanted to say something. So Fenris continued before Justice found a retort, “You can keep his physical health from taking heavy tolls, but you’re not doing anything for his mental health. Is it not _unjust_ to take so much from him without giving him anything in return? Especially something as basic as his health?” It wasn’t a lie. It was unjust as far as Fenris was concerned. Not even magic can heal away mental illnesses or mental stress and Justice was doing no favors for Anders. 

Fenris found himself going back and forth with Justice longer than intended. He almost ran out of points before Justice, surprisingly calm, eventually agreed to Fenris’s terms: Anders must return to the mansion at night, sleep, and eat every day.  **“We shall see if what you say is true, Elf.”** Except Justice seemed to have gotten the last word in the conversation. 

The warrior could hardly believe they got a compromise out of it. Anders reemerged, practically beaming. When Anders took Fenris’s face into his hands and gave him a long kiss, the elf was only reaffirmed that this was all worth it. 

 

Anders once said it’s possible that Justice’s more than aggressive behavior towards their cause has to do with Kirkwall. The negativity and injustice around them probably hurts Justice in a way neither could understand. So after convincing Justice there was actual value for Anders to actually step away from his cause for a time, Fenris took Anders out of Kirkwall when he could. He even volunteered to have them both go on trips to the Wounded Coast and Sundermont with Hawke. Anders did seem less wound up when he did leave Kirkwall, even if just for a short time. Fenris contemplated if they should just leave Kirkwall altogether…

After a full month passed without Anders making a comment that Justice was angry or disapproving about Fenris, Fenris had to ask how Justice felt about him. Well, he always was worried how Justice felt about him, especially after their talk. Anders had returned home that particular night and the pair was relaxing before the fireplace. It seemed a good as time as any to ask. “How does…Justice feel about me now?” 

Anders looked up to Fenris from the elf’s lap with a quirked brow. “He says…you’re alright. He doesn’t seem to want to admit that my mind is apparently a bit clearer nowadays, and I can focus better. He does admit it, of course, but he seems pouty about it.” 

Fenris decided that was good enough for now. Far better than the previous statement of: _“Your treatment of Anders is unjust! You shall not hurt him any more with your words!”_

* * *

 

Fenris tucked away his reminiscence of Justice to the back of his head and put down a children’s book he was looking over. He made his way from the bedroom to the study room, gave a few soft knocks, and entered. For once, he wished he could just walk in and find Anders passed out on the desk. Unfortunately, that has never happened. Anders scribbled in almost complete darkness, with nothing but the dim lighting of a couple of candles around him. 

“Anders, it’s been over an hour. You need to wake early remember?”

“I know, just…give me a little more time.” 

Fenris shook his head. Getting Anders into bed was sadly harder than _bedding_ Anders. He strolled over, softly putting a hand on the man’s back and giving him a light rub. “Can you stop after your current sentence?” 

Anders sucked in a breath as he wrote. Fenris saw he just put a period down. The writing only continued. 

“Maybe…five sentences?” 

“Right…five.”

It wasn’t going to be five. If Fenris was lucky it would be fifteen. 

Anders’ cause was another major roadblock in their relationship. It wasn’t something Fenris felt he could simply work out.  Apparently, forcing Anders to stop working pissed off both the mage and Justice. Dismissing the cause was just as bad, if not worse. Not because Anders got mad when it happened, but he closed himself off whenever Fenris did dismiss it. Anders would hide everything, from what he did to his thoughts and feelings. Not caring about mage rights was almost an equivalent to not caring about Anders. There wasn’t a solution to this problem as far as Fenris could tell. Their relationship hit another breaking point, this time, saved by Hawke and the revelation of Anders and what was apparently extreme cases of anxiety. Anxiety, among other things that Fenris couldn’t even wrap his head around at first. But if Anders was anything, he was a decent teacher. 

It only added to the list of things Fenris wasn’t prepared for to handle in this relationship. That in turn only made him wonder if Anders felt the same. Surely, Anders wasn’t prepared for the lack of actual relationship experience on the elf’s end, the trauma of being an ex-slave, the fact that Fenris wasn’t supportive of mage rights, among other things. Fenris found he didn’t really want to ask. Anders probably made adjustments as much as Fenris did, if not more. Neither of them told each other what they did for the other, but their actions spoke more than words ever could. 

Despite that, with every venture that Anders makes with his involvement with the Mage Underground, a knot twisted in Fenris that he didn’t understand. The cause couldn’t be worth it. It just couldn’t be. Anders should not be endangering his life and throwing away his future to a cause that will never be. Fenris didn’t want to dismiss it, but he didn’t understand. A part of him didn’t WANT to understand. There was no justification to letting mages roam free and make another Tevinter! It wasn’t until Hawke made an off-handed comment one day that really put things into perspective. 

They all had to go help search for this Warden, in which it turned out to be someone Anders knew. If anyone ever suggests that Fenris kept inserting himself between Anders and Nathaniel, he will deny it. 

“Shit, he’s cute,” Hawke side-stepped closer to Anders, “Hey, is he single?” 

“Uh…I think? I don’t think I’m qualified to know that, Hawke. Considering we literally just re-met,” Anders reminded. 

“I suppose that’s true…Hey, maybe I should be a Warden! Are there Templars in the Wardens, Anders?” Anders rolled his eyes with a grin.

“Ah Warden days…fine days really. I never told you how I met Justice? Or how Templars are the reason I ran in the first place?” 

“Tch, figures…” Hawke pouted, “What’s with the most non-magical humans in the world get to dictate the lives of…well, everyone that isn’t a non-magical human?!” 

As Anders and Hawke carried on with their Templar rant, and Hawke asking specific questions on Nathaniel, Fenris was almost stunned into shock. It wasn’t obvious to him, but it really should’ve been. Practically immediately after helping Nathaniel and they all returned to Kirkwall, Fenris immediately started to look around. He continued to do so even after that day came and gone, such as whenever he traveled with Hawke, with or without or Anders. 

The words only continued to ring true. The very people in control of everyone’s lives were non-mage humans. Even in Tevinter you have better luck as a human mage than an elven one. The Qunari and the Dalish who had their own lands and cultures still had conflicts with others, but especially with humans. The way people scream ‘knife ear’ at elves suddenly didn’t seem so different than the Templars who call mages scum or that they shouldn’t be treated like people. Yet here we have Hawke and Anders, both who constantly ran around helping everyone they could. To them, everyone was a _person_ worth helping. Yet the world was against them. He remembered Hawke saying that she had to hide a part of herself for her whole life. And Kirkwall wondered why Hawke boasted when she could. She hid too much of herself away for years. It was still dangerous to go walking around with a staff strapped to her back, but with the title of Champion attached to her Kirkwall suddenly gave her some leniency.

Then there was Anders, who was told his whole life he was less than a person for being a mage. Fenris knew he shouldn’t have been surprised whenever Anders closed himself off. Each dismissal became a reminder to Anders that he wasn’t worth anything. That was at least something Fenris could understand and relate. It easily reminded himself on trying to build yourself up from being a slave to being a free being. He left the place that told him he was less, and now was surrounded by people believed slavery was inherently wrong. Even some of those who didn’t seem to like elves shutter a little at the idea of _actual_ slavery. Fenris couldn’t lie and say the road to recovery was easy, but there was evident progress he could feel within himself and still more recovering to do. 

Anders was different. Anders had nowhere to run. Nowhere except Tevinter, and Anders (and Justice) heavily implied slaves would be next after he freed the mages. An admirable goal. What pushed Anders through the day was his cause, which was an equivalent to a goal in life, his dreams even. He couldn’t run from the world that hated him, like Fenris did. So Fenris realized, he shouldn’t be surprised at the man’s dedication. It was _all_ he had. Fenris found he was afraid to ask if Anders started to believe anything the world told him. He wanted to ask, out of concern, but Fenris knew that Anders probably did. Fenris just didn’t want to ever hear Anders speak low of himself. Especially when Anders couldn’t even start on his road to recovery. 

The more their relationship progressed, the more apparent it became that Fenris had to make a choice in the end. Anders was right when he was leery of their relationship lasting. By the end of the day, Anders puts his cause above all else. It wasn’t something Fenris wanted to accept. Anders was a person, with thoughts and feelings, and a life he could be living for himself. He wasn’t some historical figure that would make a dent in the world’s history. At least, that’s not Fenris wanted Anders to be. There had to be something wrong when you start wishing for your partner to be more _selfish_. In the end, they both knew Anders couldn’t. He cared and loved too much for his own good. 

Fenris considered breaking things off. Was there really a future worthwhile with someone who will always put the lives of thousands of others over you? He wanted to love and be loved as much as any other person after all. Yet, the way Anders looked at him, the way he caressed, called him ‘Love,’ and smiled at the littlest things Fenris did for him…Fenris knew he was loved _so much_. He feared the world turning into another Tevinter, but he found he feared losing Anders to the world that hated mages more. Fenris didn’t want to be another person in Anders’s life to remind him that he was less than a person. No, Fenris much preferred to be someone Anders can turn to when others treated him poorly, even if unintentional. 

Determined, that’s what he strived himself to be. He watched his words carefully, and did his best not to let his fear and gut reaction to be the reason behind his sharp tongue. Fenris tried to listen to Anders’s tangents till they became too much. At home, he tried to reach out with clarifications what Anders was trying to say. As much as enjoyed the passion Anders had when speaking of his cause, the mage was also angry. Rightfully angry, but angry, in which Fenris felt his defensiveness kick in automatically. 

Despite how much Fenris tried to understand the cause, he found himself feeling more and more unsettled about it. His mind kept jumping back to Tevinter and how the world will become just another one. 

With a sigh, Fenris spoke up one night when they were curled up in bed. 

“You may be angry with me.”

“Hm?” Anders responded, pulling himself out of the crook of Fenris’s neck, “Why’s that?”

“I feel…I should confess something to you.” 

“Oh, how bad is this?” 

Fenris sighed again. “I…don’t know if I can ever support your cause…but I support you. I know that probably is not something you rather hear. I just…do not know if I’m ready for the world you want in fear of. Well, I assume you know by now that I’m not comfortable with the idea of another Tevinter rising up.” 

Instead of anger, Anders looked at him curiously. Then Fenris saw it again: that look of feeling absolutely _touched_. 

“No…it’s okay, Fenris. That’s…actually really sweet. I didn’t think I’d find anyone that could just simply _support_ me. The fact that you do means a lot to me…a-and I completely understand why you’re afraid. That’s why I…was always worried I was too much for you. I won’t ever give up my fight for mage freedom…but I knew it was unfair to ask you to look past your trauma for my sake. Er, sorry, am I rambling? Oh that’s Merrill’s line huh? Um, heh, truly, this means a lot to me. Thank you, Fenris.” 

Fenris couldn’t help but give a smile in return to the one Anders gave him. He couldn’t stop Anders from giving and giving to the world that continues to do nothing but take things from him. Still, Fenris found he could be a little content, just knowing how happy it made Anders to know he finally had something else in his life besides his cause. 

 

Despite _all of that_ , Anders still currently needed a thing called _rest_. After a whole new paragraph was added, Fenris gave the mage a light tap on his shoulders. “I think you’re done.” 

“Just a little more…”

“Anders,” Fenris said more sternly, “You’ve done more than enough work by now. _Please_ come and rest.” 

Anders bit his lip and tapped the quill on the desk (the poor desk was just covered in splotches of ink). He didn’t say anything and quickly wrote a short sentence before setting the quill down. “Alright, alright, I’ll come. Only because you won’t sleep until I do.” 

“You’re also forbidden from sneaking out of bed for this,” Fenris reminded him. 

“Yes, _Darling_ ,” Anders replied playfully as he closed his ink bottle. 

“Good.” Just in case, Fenris decided he’ll have to cuddle extra hard tonight. Just to have the mage tightly in his arms for the whole night.

Fenris watched Anders go on ahead and he followed after. Justice must’ve gone quiet as Anders started blinking more and his body swayed when walking. When he got to the bedroom, his movements slowed heavily and found it a struggle to get out of his clothes. 

“I told you that all these buckles can make things difficult…” Fenris teased slightly as he watched Anders try to undo his boots from one of their chairs.  

“Oh shut it,” Anders laughed softly. Fenris shook his head in amusement. Anders must’ve been tired if he couldn’t give a small sarcastic jab. As Anders struggled with one, Fenris knelt down to help with the other.

“You don’t have-”

“I want to,” Fenris cut in as he swiftly loosened the boot. He heard Anders swallow whatever words he wanted to say and continued his struggle. After helping with that, Fenris helped Anders up and lead him to the bed. 

When the two laid down, Fenris cocked a brow at Anders having his back to him. It wasn’t anything unnatural as Anders can toss and turn a lot in his sleep and Fenris would close the distance between them if he could before morning came. However, it is unnatural for Anders to simply do that before even falling asleep. He liked to curl up against his lover, his arms and legs wrapped around the other body. “What’s wrong, Anders?”

Anders drew in a breath and let out a long sigh. “Fenris…what would I have to do for you to end…this?”

Fenris turned himself to face the other’s back, Anders having laid an arm’s length away from him. He wanted to reach out, but kept his hands to himself. “Use blood magic,” Fenris replied dryly. 

Anders let out a soft laugh. A sound Fenris found himself enjoying more now that Anders seemed to progressively do it less. “Okay, besides blood magic.” 

“Change who you are.” 

“Blighted elf, you aren’t making this easy for me.” 

“I could say the same to you. I rather not think about what actions you could do to change the nature of our relationship. If there is something I dislike, I don’t hold my words back.” 

He watched Anders relax slightly. 

“I…guess that’s true. Wow…you sure tolerate a lot about me then.”

“As do you with me.” 

Anders scoffed. “Please, you’ve been through…a lot in your life. Yet look at you. Everyday, you seem to only get stronger and stronger as a person.” His body tensed up again. 

“…Anders. If I ever leave you because of something you did, please know that it would be on me, not you.” 

Anders didn’t respond right away, seemingly trying to take in the strange reply. He started turning over, rolling to the other side and found himself facing Fenris. “How can that be…don’t go saying nice things just because I want to hear them.”

“Maybe there is something that you do that I will never approve of. However, I see it more as I probably do not understand. Just because I can’t understand your actions, doesn’t mean you’re inherently wrong. Perhaps I will think you’re wrong one day. But I already know there are things I can’t understand…either out of fear or denial or something else entirely. I just do not believe…you would do something without good reason. Maybe one day I’ll learn more…it’s just not going to be today.” 

Anders looked at him with hope and relief. He didn’t say anything, but Fenris’s hand reached up to wipe away the tears that was threatening to form. “Damn ridiculous elf…you’re already so intelligent, on top of being a great fighter, a fast learner…but now you’re turning wise too?” Anders pouted and closed the distance between them. He threw an arm around Fenris and buried his face into his neck. Fenris returned the gesture, further entangling their bodies. Anders took in a deep breath and relaxed into Fenris’s hold around him. “I’ll…try to keep that in mind. Thank you…if things go badly between us…can you at least try to remember that I love you? Because I love you…” 

“I know, and I will.” 

Fenris undid the man’s hair, and ran his fingers through it. He put the hair-tie and white ribbon to the side table drawer on his side of the bed along with his earring. His hand returned to rest against the strawberry blond locks. “Rest…I’ll wake you in the morning.”

Anders nodded with a small mumble under his breath. Fenris closed his eyes, relieved to know that Anders was _here_. He couldn’t protect him from the world, but he’d try when he can. Even if it was just something as simple as making sure Anders was here, in his mansion, in his arms, and not out there in the cold of Dark Town where Templars could burst in any moment. It was difficult being involved with a mage who craved the same freedom that Fenris now has. Not because the man was a mage, but because the man bore his heart to the world when he owed the world nothing. 

Fenris told himself over and over again that there wasn’t going to be a future with someone like Anders. He will lose him to the world, to the cause, or even to the Taint. Despite the fear of what might be an inevitable ending for them, and the inability to hope for a better world to the extent that Anders did, Fenris wanted to at least have that same hope for what they have now. If the Maker really did look out for him, then against all odds, Fenris will hope for a future with Anders.

 


End file.
